A simple question that will help you connect emotionally with your spouse. The Gottman Institute (TGI), after observing thousands of couples for more than four decades, discovered that most couples were not arguing about specific topics like finances, sex, parenting, or dealing with difficult in-laws. The conflicts were not about tangible issues. The root was not recognizing each other’s needs, and not showing interest in things that their spouse cared about.
This week will provide you a few practical and effective ways to boost the emotional connection with your spouse … Reunite at the end of the day and ask your spouse HOW WAS YOUR DAY, DEAR?!
MAKE AN AGREEMENT
Before you start your How Was Your Day, Dear? conversation, TGI recommends making agreements with your spouse:
- ON A TIME: Either right at the moment they walk into the door or later, if they need to decompress on their own before they’re ready to interact.
- TO NOT DISCUSS YOUR MARRIAGE: Discuss whatever is on your mind outside of your marriage. It is not the time to bring up conflicts between you and your spouse but a chance to support each other in areas outside of the marriage.
PUT INTO ACTION
Start your HOW WAS YOUR DAY, DEAR? conversation
Allow each other at least ten minutes to share about your day.
Stay focused on your spouse’s emotions. Ask questions to understand. Make eye contact.
It’s natural to want to fix your spouse’s problems. However, often they just want an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on.
Let your spouse know you understand their feelings by saying “That sounds terrible, I understand why you’re upset.”
Even if you think their perspective is unreasonable, your role is not to judge. Tell them that you are there with them and that you are in this together.
Touch is one of the most expressive ways you can love your spouse. As they talk, hold them, put an arm around their shoulder, or simply hold hands.
“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”-Romans 12:15